I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
