Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
