You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
