His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
