All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We're not piercing ourselves today.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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