I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
