roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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