god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
