Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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