Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
