I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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