And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
