return my video game
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
