dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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