Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
