Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
