Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
