Your face is a jimmy john
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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