fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
