so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
