Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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