So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize