just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
