I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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