my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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