he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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