i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The struggles of a small town man whore
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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