Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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