i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
