can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
