If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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