i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
