Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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