My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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