I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
