the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
