Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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