chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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