All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
