I just cut my nipple shaving
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
