I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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