i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
