Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
