I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
