I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
