I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
