my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
lol hangovers are for mortals.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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