he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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