i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
