Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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