Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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