Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
only you would photoshop your dick
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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