awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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