I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize