I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
