I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize