i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
