Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
