I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
