just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
