I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
