gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
