just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
