I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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