What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
