apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize