Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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