Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
