Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
