he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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