I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
