I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
