If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
